Elfhild

Still looking for stupid baby of stupid parents. It's dead, I don't understand why we're wasting all this manpower on a goosechase. My prince has even told them it's deceased, but they insist people keep looking. It's morbid and just drawing the pain out.



Theoden: *kicks at a few pebbles and looks at the sewer exit where the other guards are milling* This isn't going anywhere fast. I should do something productive, like go on my quest to being able to identify said baby if we find it by getting its goddamned name.

Elfhild: I don't really think those two are smart enough to remember what they named their baby, if they named it at all.

Theoden: Well, I tried their... nephew thing and that was a bust. So I'd need someone who was closer. Hm.

Elfhild: I know!

Theoden: What?
( Elfhild's brilliant plan )


I'm starting to think this baby was never even alive, no matter how determined the prince is to pretend that they aren't complete idiots.

So me and Theoden went back to the sewers to help out.





So far we've found:

0 Goblins
0 Babies
18 Unspeakable Items
2 Baskets
1 Giant lizard thing
1 Corpse (adult. Theo says he'd rather I didn't talk about that until he spoke with Lio. Whatever)
1 Gigantic dress
9 Childrens toys


And it goes from there. Back in Rohan this would never have happened. Possibly because we don't have plumbing, but that's not the point.

((Takes place after this dinner post))

Theoden: *hands Elfhild the cane he picked up for her earlier that day*

Elfhild: Thanks, sir. *takes it and tests it out as a weapon more than a walking stick, but then uses it to walk towards the front door*

Artamir: *gets up after dinner and takes Hygd's arm, nodding to Morwen* Thank you again for allowing us to stay. *turns to Theo* I have to drop Hygd off at home, then I'll meet you both for patrol...

Theoden: I should have gotten you one with a sword inside...

Elfhild: That would have been nice!

( Artamir joins us on patrol! Oh Bema, is it awkward. )


That didn't go as badly as I thought it might have. Although, at the rate these relationship things are coming along for prince Theoden, I think I'm going to have to start hovering again to keep him safe!

...and I spoke WAY too soon...

( The Queen has PLANS. )


She wants me to be the prince's WIFE? Prince Theoden's? He hates me! And, I mean, he's handsome enough, but he's so young and I'M so young and I could be a queen one day but it's prince Theoden! I wish the queen wouldn't subject me to her plans. I think she's thinking of marrying us off somehow. Oh Bema.

Theoden: Try not to meet their eyes. I've heard rumours. *knocks on the door*

Elfhild: *raises an eyebrow and waits with her hand on her sword*

Fingon: *today has whipped cream in his hair and on his chest but is at least wearing pants and comes to the door*

Theoden: Er, hello, sir.

( And then it gets awkward and the humans think the elves are crazy )


Seriously? They never named their baby! They didn't even know the gender! They didn't think to tell the guards their baby was missing until days later! Omb, these are some stupid elves. I can't help but think that if they hadn't lost their baby, it would have died within a few weeks from neglect or something.

Oooh. Work stuff. Which meant a lot of standing around wondering what we should be doing while wishing that someone had invented the whiteboard already.






Theoden: *hands out drinks and takes a seat* How's it been going?

Artamir: *sips his drink* Slow. We need to speed up on the interviewing

Haldir: *sits and takes one* Confusing and frustrating, but other than that...just great.

Thorongil: I still think it's Turgon *takes a drink of his coffee*

Haldir: *grins* So do I.
( Does this count as treason? )


It WAS nice not to be looked at like I was something on his shoe. It also means I don't have to find a discreet way to tear out his throat with my teeth. We all win!

Looking forward to getting some progress done. Once that killer is behind bars, maybe I can relax a little.

Theoden: *scoops up Wynnie*

Theodwyn: *hugs his neck* Hi, Theo!

Theoden: How's my favourite?

Theodwyn: Gooood. Except mommy keeps looking at me funny.

Theoden: Funny how?

Theodwyn: *shrugs* She just does!

Theoden: I'm gonna need context, here

Theodwyn: Well, she keeps telling me not to like girls, and then she watches me when I play with Melly and I don't know what she means!

( Morwen thinks Wynnie might turn gay! Theo and Elfhild talk to Eowyn about Caranthir! )

So, and I cannot BELIEVE he just went and blabbed it to her even after I told him, we took our new ideas to the Captain, who sent us on a new bit of work.


Theo: *catches Lio on his way out* Sir, we were wondering about investigating Caranthir

Ecthelion: *thoughtfully* That's probably a good idea. There's not a lot to go on here.
( More elves! But still no danger. This is bothersome )

Theoden: ...and that, Thorongil, is why Noniel really hates you. *heads up to his door*

Thorongil: *smirks* Of course. Won't ever speak to me, if she can help it. I see now.

Theoden: I'm glad you do! That's why you should do whatever I say to get to get closer to her.

Thorongil: What would I do without you? *heads inside* I assume I'm being fed.

Theoden: Yeah, sure. *follows*

Morwen: Hello, boys. Did you have a nice date with Noniel, Thorongil? Theoden, one of your little friends is over. You be nice to her and maybe show some interest. I'm going to make more tea. *breezes past them to the kitchen*

Theoden: Interest? Wait, date?

Thorongil: *pats Theo on the head and follows Morwen*

Theoden: *frowns and goes to find out who the little friend is*

Elfhild: *trying to figure out the proper way to hold the teacup, has settled for gripping it and ignoring the heat*

Theoden: Oh, you. Where did you go?

Elfhild: I *told* you. I kept having blackouts so I stayed with the healers a bit longer. My prince.
( Blast it all, he made me get a job )

What? You think I'd wake up from a coma all happy?
This place is mad. All weird guys and little people that run into you and knock you out. I am a shield maiden for fuck's sake. How did a hobbit do this to me?!?!


I have failed.

(Theo) And here's your hourly 'please don't starve on me, shieldmaiden' snack.
(Elfhild): This food is so peculiar. *sigh* Fine. *eats*
(Theo) it'll build strong bones, I'm sure.
(Frodo): *opens door and wanders in*
(Elfhild): Are you saying my bones aren't strong enough??
(Theo) Oh hey, little guy. Where did you go the other day? And of course not, Elfhild.
(Frodo): Hello! *shifty eyes* *mumbles to self* calm down, they're nice people. Probably. *louder* I'm sorry, I am still overwhelmed by all this.
(Elfhild): *snigger*
(Frodo): *looks up at Elfhild with big eyes*
(Theo) You want a treat?
(Frodo): Food?? *perks up*
(Elfhild): Where are your parents, little one?
(Theo) Sure. *gets out a little cookie for him*
(Frodo): *drops cookie, lip wibble* They died....
(Theo) o.o Poor little thing!
(Elfhild): crap. I'm sorry, let me get that for you *leans down*
(Frodo:) I got it *leans down at the same time, and bumps head into Elfhild's breasts
(Elfhild): EWW! *pushes Frodo off, pulls sword out* YOU GET OFF RIGHT THIS MINUTE MISTER
(Theo) uh...
(Frodo): Sorry! Sorry! It was an accident!
(Elfhild): *furious* ACCIDENT MY TITS YOU LITTLE PUNK GET BACK HERE
(Theo) run!
(Frodo): shitshitshitshit *runs off, drops his bag*
(Elfhild): OH NO YOU DON'T *grabs by collar*
(Frodo): *whimper* I'm sorry, I didn' mean to..
(Elfhild): NOW YOU HAD BETTER *turns, Frodo in hand, and slips on his bag* EYEEEAAAAAHHH
(Frodo): SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMM HEEEEELLLP
(Both): *falls forward and crashes head first into the counter*
(Theo) ...
(Theo) well, crap.

What do you mean, I need to get a job?

I am a Shield Maiden! I have a job, it's called protecting the King.
And as the King is not here at present, I will watch his helpless son.

*takes up watch in front of the Vardabucks counter, holding hand on the tilt of her sword, just in case*

Dear Diary,

I FOUND THEODEN!
I'm going to be a Hero ShieldMaiden of Rohan and I get weak at the knees thinking about how many swords I can have forged with the reward money.. Odd how he didn't seem to know or care that they are turning Rohan upside down looking for him.

Only problem is he says we are stuck and we're thousands of years in the past? How does that work? Need to investigate.

I've never actually talked to Theoden before. I mean, I've seen him and all, but you know, Subject and all that. But I think I expected him to be a bit more royal like, not so.. what's the right word.. dorky! He's really weird.

Also, he said Shield Maiden are mad. We are not mad! We're Great, that's what we are.

Stupid Theoden.

I could've sworn I was just at sword fighting practice. Where is everyone? I was winning, too.


Waitamin...Where is my SWORD?? It's not here! I can't believe this! When I find whoever stole my sword, they are a dead man. Orc. Elf. Doesn't matter, I'll take them down. You do NOT steal the sword of a Shield Maiden. Shield Maiden gets MAD. Shield Maiden gets revenge, too.

*grumble*